Sunday, July 10, 2011

intentionally missional

What does it mean to be intentionally missional?
This question comes to my mind many nights when I'm sitting in my room, getting ready to go to bed, and it's just me and my thoughts. It's a question that sums up a burden i've had in my heart for a while and one that sums up a part of my relationship with God. It's a phrase from a message at church a few months ago and it's been tugging at my mind and heart ever since.
Life is so confusing sometimes. Wonderfully confusing. I say this because right now, my life is almost too good. I'm on summer vacation. I'm a nanny for my next door neighbors, so my job is unbelievably non-stressful. I really have no set plans, no concerns, no stretching situations. God has blessed me with these months of relaxation and rest. I'm very greatful for this, but at the same time it plays with my mind. Can I be too comfortable? Do the good times draw me away from God because I feel like I don't have to rely on Him as much and get pulled into focusing on myself and what pleases me? This scares me, but I realize that I am guilty of this attitude. In a way, I realize that I need God all the time but especially in the good times. All the praise and thanks for what He has given me belongs only to Him. I don't deserve any of this, and I feel almost guilty having so much and so much joy when others have nothing. I hate focusing on myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think God has blessed me with so much because He wants me to use what I've been given for His glory. I'm not sure what this looks like exactly, but it ties in with the "intentionally missional" words that have been playing in my thoughts. As a Christian, I am called to be a missionary. Sometimes we think of missionaries as the people who go across the world to a remote village in Africa or Asia but really, we as Christians are all missionaries. And the mission field is all around us. I have been struck in the past few months with how much my home city of Vancouver needs God. The one thing that I really want to do is to take my focus off of myself and onto others. Through my daily interactions with others and through the service opportunities in front of me I want to give back to God some of what He has blessed me with. I don't want to live my life for myself, but for Him. I guess you could say that since Jesus came into my heart, He has been pulling me like a magnet towards the heart of God. I am naturally so so selfish and self-centered. But the still small voice of God is nudging me all the time to turn away from myself and towards His will. I need His help so badly, but I am praying and trusting that He will show me His will for my every moment on earth if I just listen.
Father, I am so weak and so often confused. You are not a God of confusion. Please direct my steps. I know You have a plan for my life and I want more than anything to walk in it. Less of me. More of You.

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